Taste The Pain (The Battle Of Evermore)

After weeks, nay, months of what has felt like a great big Holiday I have finally returned to school. The expectations I had of this were like that which any working man has felt over returning to work after too much rest: an obscure mix of relief (at having something tangible and long-term to sink my teeth back into) and distress (at having to regularly get out of bed and stick to inflexible and ever-nearing deadlines), in my case specially blended together in a pot of unfamiliarity. I guess it’s something like that feeling of suddenly, desperately needing the toilet which I keep inexplicably getting halfway through the ten minute route I frequent between church and the subway station, only to have it disappear as soon as I get to a toilet.

Honestly, I didn’t expect to have to navigate an experience quite like the initial flux of disorientation that moving to this country brought again. Despite my silent protests the new year insisted on the invasion of many new teachers and the expectations of just over one hundred new students upon my abilities within the space of a few days. No-one explained to me what would happen, how it would happen and what part I would have to take in any of it. I’m happy to say that this didn’t phase me! Unlike my attitude upon arrival in Korea, the brunt of which was taken on an inexperienced back foot, I decided to storm straight into the week with a confident stride and a pushy attitude so that we could all Get Things Done. I feel it’s gone pretty well, and my autocratic classroom revolution has been largely accepted.

Here’s how the “New Year, New Rules” Campaign went…

Note: Please recognise that, whilst most of the below is based upon real events there may be a little exaggeration and added frilling here and there.

Day 1, Monday: Public Holiday due to Independence (from Japan) Day. Time taken to relax, sleep and ponder upon the battles and lives that were lost all over this mountainous peninsula. Mental notes taken not to kill people. Most effective battle-wear chosen to best achieve a weighty, positive first impression. Perfume at the ready, since teachers are mostly female.

Day 2, Tuesday: Up early, but not early enough. Battle preparations rushed and perfume forgotten. Note to rely on manly odour, helped by lack of shower. Buses remarkably on time, arrive at school and take station before many teachers have arrived. Take time to revise plans, but interrupted by a surprise rush. Target 3: New English Teacher approaches. A quick reconaissance mission results in the following intelligence:

Target 3: New English Teacher.
Name: 조경자 (Jo Kyeong Ja), aka Mrs Cho.
Age: 57 (retired).
Current status: 6 month employment by school to replace previous English Teacher, who is currently in training at a local institute.
General Appearance: Loud colours, long jumper and beret.
Speaks English with a slight French accent due to international travels with Emirates, the company which her daughter works for.
Plays over ten instruments, three of which (Ukulele, Flute, Ocarina) she always carries with her “just in case”.
Threat Level: Medium.

After dispatching to Teacher’s Office find route to divert threat and continue preparations. Target 2: Michelle Teacher enters and takes up her new position over English Operations. It transpires that lessons do not begin until Thursday. Timetable is deduced and peaceful negotiations continue throughout most of the day. New approach to teaching discussed with a little flak damage taken on all sides, however no casualties reported. Rest of day spent secretly planning reforms.

Day 3, Wednesday: Lines formed and firing commences early in the morning. No ground taken either way, fighting continues on and off until lunchtime, when a peaceful hour is taken to banter, discover that both sides can communicate a little in more than one language, and to recoup good relations. Lines retaken. Secret reforms laid down and resisted, but later partially accepted. Plans turn out to be so complicated that they take numerous sittings and explanations. This does not come as a surprise. Target 4: New Temp. English Teacher enters fray and delays process somewhat. Profile acquired.

Target 4: New Temp. English Teacher.
Name: 이주현 (Lee Joo Hyeon) – unreliable source data.
Age: Mid 40′s.
Current Status:  Teaching third and fourth grade English on Thursday and Friday. Also occupied at local school under new government legislation. Strong career in teaching, friendly appearance.
Threat level: Minimal. Since only part time has little sway.

Enemy substantially weakened by latest arrival. Much ground taken and battle won. New law in place and to be introduced immediately. Reforms include:

1 – New set of rules to be introduced.
2 – Students to work in teams, not individually.
3 – Curriculum to be split between teachers by lesson, not class.
4 – Teachers to be addressed as “Mr/Mrs…” rather than “Teeeecheooooh!”.
5 – Numerous documents to be spread through student ranks to aid understanding and establish peaceful co-operation.

Pre-Lesson Mission complete: military coup thoroughly successful, forceful takeover disguised as a democratic debate over English Education. “Thomas Teacher” now refers to himself as “The High Teacher”, in no way referring to his height but rather stature through conquest.

Day 4, Thursday: Regulations set in place over Target 1a (fourth grade students), who have magically transformed from loud little monsters to cute little tykes, no doubt with the aid of new secret weapons Ukulele and Ocarina. Students are led to drink of the river of English like the rats and children who drown following the Pied Piper of Hamelin. Unlike the Piper, Target 3 is paid for services by “The Grand High Teacher” with being allowed to teach alongside him, and shows gratitude through spreading numerous rumours that “There’s no way he can only have been teaching for six months, he’s far too good!”, a testament to his Grand Greatness. The rumour is confirmed and set in writing on the wall above bed. Gold plating to be arranged.

Day 5, Friday: Ego checked overnight and gold plating cancelled. Lessons continue in similar vein with Target 1b (5th Grade students) happily becoming subject to the House of English, as it has now been established under King Thomas rather than a Supreme Leader. Schedule is fully confirmed and filled out, and it is decided that Target 2 will assist the King in leading British Culture Class, since a club activity is required by the Establishment. Poster and trailer to be produced to gain the support of students. It is noted that there is an establishment above the Monarchy which looks a lot like a democracy, and since the weekend is approaching a step back away from Royal Duty is taken.

The weekend is a welcome rest in which to go to church, teach English to MJ’s father in exchange for a lesson in 바둑 (Baduk, an awfully difficult strategy game vaguely akin to Chess) and worry about bowels becoming unpredictable on a Sunday morning.

Day 6, Monday: Target 1c (6th grade students) similarly subdued. A plan to co-operate with teachers rather than forcefully control them is formed, and it is recognised that one’s standing in the community alone may have been enough to push desired plans through. A review of the campaign is made and it is deemed extremely effective. Company outing is arranged, and Comrades file along to a local raw fish restaurant, where needs are met and Kimchi Jjigae (for which spell checker suggests “Achilles Abigail” as more accurate)  is provided as an alternative. Details of developments of teacher relations to be detailed further in later document.

Day 7, Tuesday: Battle plan to subdue Special Target 1d (3rd grade students) is finalised and executed. Cuteness is overcome with strictness, lack of English ability is overestimated, fear of young children is thwarted, Korean Pop is championed and lunch is taken late. “New Year, New Rules” Campaign completed and report written. Thank goodness for that. My hands were getting chilly spending so much time typing with snowy weather and no heating.

But now, in all seriousness. I was a little terrified of the last week, but planned thoroughly, actively approached everything I wasn’t sure about, reformed my teaching and got excessively praised for my supposed teaching ability. All of this has massaged my ego which I hope to have deflated a little by creating a small farce about myself. It’s also shown me that I can be pro-active within a job, improve my methods, apply them well alongside my superiors and adapt them according to the necessities of each grade and even class. Which are all good signs for my future.

But don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten how to be a complete idiot either. Why, just an hour ago I dropped my mouse into my cup of Lemsip and honey. Quite how it happened I’m sure I have no idea.

톰

Advertisement

~ by tomsavery on March 9, 2010.